Talking with Children

Young people sometimes feel embarrassed that they have become a victim of bullying, and may be ashamed that they cannot sort it out themselves. This can make them feel that it is their fault they have been bullied, and this can damage how they think about themselves. 

It is likely that you as a parent/carer will have mixed feelings about the bullying. It is really common to feel angry, confused or distressed. 

Stay calm, and try not to discuss with your child any worries you may personally have about the situation. It is really difficult for a child to go back into school if you keep giving them negative messages about the staff, school, other children and parents.

Don’t just say...

• tell a teacher
• ignore it
• make new friends

These are not real options for a young person whose self-esteem has taken a battering. They are incredibly difficult to achieve. Could you really ignore it if someone sat behind you kicking your chair all afternoon? Sometimes asking them to try such things is setting them up for failure and might make them (and you) feel more frustrated. 

You could say... 

• Thank-you for telling me about this!
• Who would you like me to talk to?
• What would you like me to do?

Reasons why a young person might NOT want to talk. They may think that...

• telling will make it worse
• it is their fault
• there’s something wrong with them
• if they stay quiet it will sort itself out
• parent might react badly
• they may not be believed

Points to remember...

• really listen!
• be patient
• help your child feel safe
• give them your full attention
• don’t make a joke of it
• don’t say ‘that happened to me’
• do believe what they say